Steve Martin's Art Collection

I'd like to sculpt all the dumb things I've said into a mountain, and shove it somewhere out of the way.

People should eat most food like wine enthusiasts drink wine.

Remember me to Cedar Hill. And to that other hill that doesn't have a name.

What sort of God can't handle some ribbing?

Men explaining phenomena

How about I'll be the blurry figure in the back of the picture.

Ramble on

I can't be in every park at once.
Or can I?

I've seen turtles here before.

These are some stand-up squirrels.

Maybe it's that rare wookpecker that people are arguing about.

After seeing the late-afternoon sun dance on the lake, I understand why you like those sparkly shoes.

(My friend says he has no Great Egrets, and refers to his bathroom as a Turd Sanctuary.)

I love/hate to tell you--

You are already committed.

That's what I'm talking about

This craving for a round of strip poker is overwhelming.

A lot of women are pulling suitcases these days.

Dancing on the tracks.
Asses being "aimed."

I can't get enough of leaning back in chairs.

Remember that time I

Filiopiety: excessive reverence for ancestors and traditions.

Is there one for excessive reverence for, and attachment to, one's personal experience?

Crumpled bills

Beggars' cups as a compassion tax.

To religion

Those who can't believe in God, but can believe in jinxes and luck.

Too gimmicky

I still like doing laundry--the way it connects you to your things, the dailyness of life, and the chore-god. But I wish the laundromat near me had more attractions: video games, a lounge area, magazines, a bumping singles scene.

The end of an individual's memory is a tragedy and a transcendence.

One thing about bad movies--they make regular life seem great and entertaining. Like, I can't wait.

It is unlikely that you will see me hefting a massive golf trophy.

Once removed

Amazing time at an unexpected (but dreamt of) diner.

What I like about root beer is that rubberiness.

Renting a MINI Cooper for a weekend is my top sexual fantasy.

Let's hear it for the virility and potential of the valet guys-

Re-criminalization

Watchdogging the skinny pride movement.

(I'm not so good at stare downs.)

Those bon bons are rich.

If that bra could talk...

Are you joking

Drinking carrot juice to imbibe a retro vitality

I'm excited about having a radio in the kitchen.

A fear of people with clipboards

What about when there is a there there?

Places where people were but aren't

I'm not sure I have the energy for Target.
How about Walgreen's?

Moon bathing

Is that a star or what?

Spill it, Victoria.

I felt like we really bonded.

"Extreme" blow jobs

(But that's as far as it goes)



At some point, self-knowledge yields diminishing returns.

Sounds like my kind of sandwich

But I like being on the grid.

Something about lost notebooks

Something about megachurches...
Something about mergers...
Something about wrestling camp...

Mindful

"...the unimaginable is there to be imagined."
-from a J.M. Coetzee story in a recent New Yorker

Follow that career!

I'm surprised no dairy has used "Gulp down the incomparable milk of wonder" as a tagline.

Wonder if I'll be reincarnated as a Japanese Salaryman.
Look for me in the corners of pachinko parlors.

Is there a federal law that regulates hotel pool closing times?


Life is short.
Life is long.
(I've heard both.)

Isn't that weird

Spent the time off playing catch up.

We can make fun of them afterwards.

We've all had things we didn't realize we had.

All that training for nothing.

As advertised

Receiving your fill of nature from a screen-saver.

The romantic desperation of calling information from a payphone, even if you're just getting the number of the closest Taco Bell.

What's another 20 bucks?

I can't remember if Duane Reade has a toy section.

Costive:
1) Suffering from constipation
2) (archaic) Slow in action or expressing ideas
As in: This all-you-can-eat buffet has made me costive.


I like when journalists cite google search results in their articles.

Confessions

I've only seen chunks of it, on cable.

I've always liked to live near swings.

I'll never get tired of complaining about how kids have to wear helmets when riding their Big Wheels and small bikes.

I need to get over my reluctance to order elaborate pasta dishes in diners.

Who cares how much a movie cost to make?