Assignment:

Invent a joke with the punchline, "He's taking up for lost mime."

She made a career of it

I'd like to be a beer vendor at Wrigley Field for a summer, then write a folksy memoir about the experience.

Is there a show that can make it a reality?


President: Forlorn soda machine fan club, 7-Up division


Is that feather floating or flying?

Franchise opportunity

Let's send up their conventions.

At a convention.

The huevos of the future--

(I'd like to McVeggie her burger.)

Thought I'd find you here

The name "Kidman" as a condensed biography.

Could you please not wipe that stupid grin off my face?

Shoevenile

On this spot in...

We were leading questions.

Ice T was singing about Evil E...

Where were you?/Where was I?

Sanbitter: like siphoning grapefruit juice from a Vespa.

Please the day

On the beach we ran unopposed.

Our very blood

People complaining that a product is merely "flavored water."
But everything is flavored water.


I'd like to be one of those brainiacs who revolutionizes the game.
Any game.

Knowing it won't

The ridiculousness of seriousness.

An all-star tribute to the word “daze”

Textbook: Unsolvable Problems

(This banana really tastes like a banana.)

Don’t get back to me. Get back to me.

Quality of light

The way rain changes distance.

Wait'll I get a hold of those molecules.

Take refuge here and there.

You're exaggerating.

(How old is this burrito?)

Go back to where you first thought it

Strange police doings-

This might be a blood-sugar thing.

If it is a fake, it's so beautiful it doesn't matter.

We'd better get cracking on these tic tacs, as they're only good until August of 2007.


(That's for you to know and me to find out.)

Anybody who's everybody

Speak in things that sound like code-
(I have no business here.)

Revel in baglessness.

Dig that drape.

Where are you sitting?

(I was over the impression that we had an agreement.)

Vacation's end

They get points just for heading in the opposite direction on the escalator.

Maybe hearing that song once was enough.

(Photos aren't memories.)

Bare feats

Meaning is an imposition.

Be wary of syllogisms.

Evocative in the way of old area codes-

(Where have all the smirky girls gone?)

Same argument every year

A dog named Naught

Book: "Salt Water Taffy: An Oral History"

I'd be upset if people didn't make fun of my poems.

Pour your water from on high.

(Or did focus lose you?)

Immaterial Girl

New Jerk City

No one does

What a good pillow salesman would say.

He gave us a foul tip.

Don't ask me that.

A cat as "too petty."

At last

"(M)oney wants to be free--that's why it swims out of your pocket."

-from "Sweet and Low" by Rich Cohen

Spending attention

At least our schools had clocks with sweeping second hands.

This day needs yet another name

Making out with memories.

My worldview was shaped by the frozen yogurt dispenser.

Remember when that awning was new

Concerts billed as "An Evening With"

You look smart.

I promise the next one will be better.

Baiting fate.

Sun-blown

Nodding at nothing.

The new tense.

Finally, the protagonist we deserve.

Carve your own little Nietzsche.

I keep forgetting to get

Do I want a bottle of cola

Everycity

A chart tracing the popularity of the nickname "Knuckles" over time.

While you're alive, could you...

(What we're allowed to make fun of)

Know nothing, but know it inside-out

Martially artful

Outwhistle the birds?

Earrings to unnerve.

Post-pill shudder.

Hard to believe we ran all that way...

Hey

I saw a bluebird today.
Does that make me gay?
It may.

That graffiti cheers me

I'll breath this wood-smoked air and stare.

Let's be cleansed by antique soap ads.

He only sees the worst in peepholes.

Memory isn't everything

His breathing alone tells a story

"One day we will all die, and then we'll be the same as that tree--no me, no you. Be that as it may, we need heat."

-Monk in Tony Soprano's coma dream

Sunday stroll report

That blend of contentment and dread-

This meaning...

How long can this last?

Trending

I encourage dark sarcasm in the classroom.

(Faux eternity)

Take this the wrong way

And on the seventh day,
people created God.

I won't get drawn into arguments over falafel quality.

L.T.F.P.
(Love This Freakin' Place)

Elision Fields

Don't raise your lettering at me!

(Nothing alt about this country.)

The one truly American art form:

Declaring things to be the one truly American art form.

Line for line

"History wasn't made, thank God."
-UConn coach Jim Calhoun

These skyscrapers give me a boner.

She contains multitudes. Believe me.

Shopped

Great gift idea = bad regular idea

Like you rent the place

Folding pizza boxes,
stacking them to make a
Great Wall.

Apparently, they've gone out of business.

Were they flashing their lights at us?

Who thinks about who more?

Her imperfections are perfect.

Studying what doesn't matter.

My half-assed belief in fate holds that fate itself is half-assed.

(A profound wait.)

And then what?

A table of wonder-junk for sale.

You pick things up along the way.

If language is a prison, it's one of those minimum-security, country-club deals.

Meanwhile, back at the cafe...

The Dubious Honors

Have a seat.

A scene from "Basquiat" was shot on this bench.

I shouted, "Dana!"
But it wasn't her.

How about some applause for childhood,
which does and doesn't last forever.

We always seem to end up here.

Works for now

The strict borders of cultural currency in effect:
Hot-shot high school athletes wearing letter jackets in Midtown Manhattan.

Photo project:
Mall fountains across America

The year of magical drinking

Almost almost spring

Schoolgirl consciousness

Remember when I was waiting for you at that park?

The city is still smoking those giant orange-and-white striped cigars.

On TV: A show of force

The cat across the way and I have an understanding.

A flash mob of one

I will note her cliffs.

But for a good reason

Those make me excited and nervous.

Did I think this or just say it?

(happy anniversary)

Doesn't count

I like everything by The Vapors except "Turning Japanese."

Where are our eloquent poets of gain?

Remind-me-nots

Why shouldn't I live by a teabag label? "Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light."

I'll start by going down every aisle.

Less sketch, more etch

Strut cockily with your God.

One hit...Wonder...

Happy pressure.

We flew on the backs of envelopes.

I like surveys, but not taking them.

She's fun to watch play pool, but it ends there.


Music to the rescue.

Beyond belief

Acidic Jew

The new GQ

A Bittman stew

To and from school

Handsome man in front of the Chess Forum

A dream detained

Fun got in my eyes

That was in a past life
(by which I mean college)


Look what we would have missed.

Women of an uncertain age

Isn't every quote necessarily out of context?

A few years ago, I heard J. M. Coetzee read a story, really excellent, and I didn't think it was out there anywhere, but here it is.

I can explain everything!

She had trouble seeing past the brim of her cap;
I had trouble thinking past the rim of my rap.

The battery went out just in time for me to hear the birds and gossip.

Quote about Grand Central, from a National Geographic show about it:
"This place makes you feel like you're more than you are."

How is that

I'm looking forward to drinking some Hawaiian Punch.

I don't understand people who order a single slice of pizza to go. It's a slice. Sit down, and listen to the Pretenders on the radio, or the game on TV, or the countermen's banter. Consider the families and schoolkids who come in. Or stand outside with it.

Grass-fed beef? That's some boast!

They had on the soundtrack to Hipster Heaven.

Lately I've been

Heavy on my feet.

Lady of the Ringlets?

A subtle wave

Keep an eye out for me in them satellite photos.

(I would have done the same thing.)

Condensing flavors

These round, irresistable faces.
Somehow I resisted.

Half-conscious braiding.

Suggestion: "...with movies in my hair."

Wide love.

I sit by this.

Don't block the light.

All bunned up

It's so soft out.

As a kid I loved Saturday morning baths.

Heck yes I want a Yogi button.

My head smarts.

Faith in cross-culture yawns-

High performance

Miyagi here. Miyagi here.


Ride the fog.

If you don't have an identity, no one can steal it.

I no longer know anyone who plays the violin.

But congratulations anyway

Yeah, you better tint those windows.

Ill-considered is still considered.

You can only dress for so much success.

Where don't I know you from?

Smells like popcorn

Five minutes of it here and there on cable.

I'll get it done during the commercials,
while there are still commercials.

Philosophy books seem more promising in the bookstore than they do at home.

We're intent on gadgets.

Seize the gray

A snack before therapy.

I'd like her even if she were a vampire.

Menil

Good names: Man Ray, Cy Twombly


Good title: Souvenir of Nothing (Picabia)


Notion: These would work better in unnatural light.


"I want no eulogy." -John de Menil, letter, 1972


At sunset we clambered around Bygones.

It isn't what it isn't

I learned that from Miss Manners.

Hey--get off my obelisk!

Underly-litigious.

Don't mind if I don't.

For some reason I'm not.

Scientists have found that.

And the home of the rave

Artisinal cheeseburgers.

Das Boot Cut.

Smoking a Gauloise for a lesson in French history.

Dig that do

Sublimey

Novelty salesman: By the time the battery dies, you'll be sick of it.


Famous paintings

A scam artist is still an artist.

Continuing Ed

I'm going to get a Pepsi and sit on a bench in this cloudy park.

I'd like to Bethesda her Fountain.

Cold concrete.

Quiet magic.

This time with feeling

Have you seen my hoodie?

I'm hypermentilating.

Window seat

I'm lost in the starry Galaga sky.


(Books have been written about less)

Marketplace of ideas

When everybody's thinking, "What's everybody thinking?"


He moonwalked into my heart.

Good stuff

From the 3 Musketeers website:

"The personalities of the 3 MUSKETEERS® Brand characters are as follows:

Porthos - a man of the world. He's smooth and sophisticated and exudes self-confidence and personal style. He's a man of chivalry and honor. He's James Bond with a saber.

Athos - brilliant and brave but also clumsy like a nutty professor. He constantly finds himself in awkward situations because he doesn't watch where he's going. He's a scatterbrained hero with a heart of gold.

D'Artagnan - the leader of the trio. He's young and eager, always the first to charge into the fray. He's courageous, gallant and always wins the day."

That's one way of looking at it

Who do I know you from?

Why are you reading that?

Where'd the zone go?
(I was just in it.)

Pop the syst.

Jockeying for good tables.

Observing fish decisions.

No more apologies for reading only contemporary fiction.
The old is woven into the new.
And even if it isn't.


We'll knee through this.

Seize the bidet

Incest with a sister city.

The line between superstition and religion-
Someone has to draw it.

At the museum:
People take pictures of all the wrong things.

Speech opener:
"Let it not be said that..."

Summary

Do what you can-
for good.

Antioxidant overdose

Tumbling down the rabbit hole of the alumni directory. Send a friendly note to the TA who blew me 12 years ago? It's not Christmas until you get a bizarre letter from the past, the words galloping as if the intervening years never happened.

I don't like the metaphor of the rabbit hole. It obfuscates rather than clarifies meaning. No more rabbit holes. The alumni directory should be the comparison that explains other things.

Don't read too much into stuff.

Something came to me in the kitchen.

A gentle vise on my temples.

Precision with language is like...

(I just learned that word.)

See

I miss Blind Date.
If not the show, then what watching it represented.

Do we want people addicted to us?

(Then you shouldn't have offered.)

Sandwish shops

Regarding the "Most Wished For Items" on amazon.com:
Boy do we dream small.
I worry future civilizations will pity us.

I also worry that I haven't been spending enough time thinking about future (and past--same dif) civilizations.

But we cherish and draw strength from these small dreams.

You misunderstand me

You, Miss,
understand me.

Cool out

The front table at Grand Sichuan on Canal.

Triangular buildings.

Narrow escalators.

Holding a cup of coffee through thick gloves.

Chubby squirrels, abandoned chess tables.

Having to pee in winter.

Lately I've been courting mild food poisoning...

Decorations

You're supposed to complain that the holiday season goes on too long,
but I think it happens too fast.

I'll still be looking.

Keeps them out of trouble

On teaching grammar to students from Russia:
Not responsible for lost or stolen articles.

Is it even worth having a regret that doesn't sear?

Ban the butt.

That's me: first man clapping.
Hell, only man clapping.

My way or the sky way.

What's what you're talking about?

Gift books and
Weapons that work.

Frozen nose ring.

This cheapass phone.

Last man clapping

He likes telling people she's a dancer.

That can is top-shelf.

This time, I don't care where we sit.

I need a shoe horn,
but not the kind that you use to help put on shoes.

Recommendation

Have you listened to any podcasts?
Try Tom Shillue--
His voice is like a good bath.

Ask me about my camera

I want to see if that girl is still at the hostel, somehow.

Just because everyone can do it doesn't mean it isn't a skill.

Thanks for not calling me on that.

We're better at hearing things vibrate on surfaces.

It's all history.

What haven't we learned?

Sure I miss things

This is a good season.

Why not The Happy Truth About Sadness?

I've spend minutes staring at her picture.

An oldie but baddie.

Off to the gym.

The give and take of concrete

God bless the secular holidays.

I'll never know how to spell "separate" by heart.

"Scum" is an underrated word.

Maybe we shouldn't hold by years as much as we do.

Slogan: I gotta get over this.

Counterslogan:

Thanksgiving, girls

Across lawns, across lots.

If seeing blue highway signs promising restaurants doesn't thrill you--
There's nothing I can do to help.

Start up

Idea for magazine featuring sexy pictures of Jewish women:
"The Goldberg Variations"

Strictly casual

The last meadow dancers

Lozenge season

Popular works:
The Wind-Up Turd Chronicle
The Wisdom of Clouds

I have another headache

She smells like bagels.
Popping out of winter clothes--
I think I miss my camera phone!

acting on a tip from a neighbor
(a portrait of wolf-whistler's mother)

I have a headache

Mind if I take your dog for a walk?

Philter: A love potion (real vocab)

(What you're missing by reading)

(What they're missing by not reading)

As good as everyone says it is

There's magic in that old TV repair shop.

Fall night/light

What they usually mean is Seize the Dame,
which isn't always the best course of action.

Excremental

When people announce specifically that they have to take a "massive" dump.

What did you come up with?

Happy hour restrictions

Funny covers of old albums

Old women in nightgowns in doorways, keeping watch

Girls in skirts on bikes

Old Italian restaurants with tiled entryways and lighted Rest Room signs
(That we'll probably never eat at)

But in a good way

I'd like to overdraw her account.
I'd like to anthologize her knowledge.
I'd like to transfer to her G train.

Criticize me, will you?

I like being sweetly choked by cigar smoke.

I hope her stage name is Stephanie Noodles.

The existing are naturally prejudiced towards existence.

Grab Bag

plea: I just want to be naked with you.

band: The Legitimates

game show: That's Not Poetry!

fact: The Eckerd drugstore on Manhattan used to be a roller rink.

consolation: You can sleep on the plane.

question from the air: Are those cities?

Keep thinking

That a "Jerusalem artichoke" is one of those obscene and mythical sex moves.

Titles

Windy Picnic

The Cutening